The ABC's of Developing a Romantic Relationship

Most people date to marry.  When you date without the purpose of marriage in the future you are likely going to waste your time or have your heart broken. Dating without the mindset of no future with your partner can cause one person or both to not put as much work into the relationship. Just make sure each of you are always on the same page with your future goals. 

There are five steps in meeting, dating and eventually marrying someone. I will go over them each briefly. 

A. Awareness of or acquaintance with another person. 

In this first stage you are deciding whether or not this person may or may not be attractive to you. You are deciding whether or not you would like to go on a date with them too. Beyond just physical attributes it is important to think of what you are looking for in a partner that will being you lasting happiness, such as kindness, forgiving, willing to give self and desire to teach your children, if or when that time comes. 

Remember, confrontation is important and the easiest way to get someones attention or know how someone feels about you.  This leads you into the..

B. Buildup phase

You've worked up the courage and have gone out on the first date! A date is NOT texting the person an hour before and asking them "what do you want to do." It is not picking them up and taking them to your place to watch a movie. A date is planned ahead and paired off. It is common for young adults to want to develop a close friendship with each other before developing a serious relationship. Having a close friendship with someone before seriously dating them is very beneficial to the relationship. On a basic level you need a fundamental ground of common interests and goals. You have unconditional love for your best friend as you should for your partner. Everyone want to be with someone whom they can laugh with and have fun with. 

In this stage the couple is also developing feelings of love for each other. Be sure to develop mature love and not immature love. 

Immature love is...                   Mature love is...

possessiveness                           Lasting passion

jealously                                    Warm feeling of contentment 

Anxiety                                      Creates environment of growth and development 

selfish                                         Allows partner space for growth               

lustful                                         Belief that "Love is something you have to decide"

over-dependent                          Commitment 

belief that "love is                      Trust

beyond our control"                   Sharing

or "love is blind"                        Sacrifice 

C. Commitment and continuation into a successful marriage 

In this stage the couple should be open with each other about their doubts and insecurities. serious talk about marriage is discussed in this stage. When the couple does not openly discuss what stage they would like to go into next they risk "sliding" into it instead if deliberate going into it.  An example is a couple rushing into sexual intimacy or having a baby and "deciding" to get married but not fully wanting that or committing to it. 

D. Deterioration or ending of a relationship

All relationships are going to end in marriage or breaking up. Breaking up is never easy, especially when serious talk about the future was discussed, or love took place, but it's important to remember that everyone you date prepares you for your next relationship and prepares you for marriage.

When transitioning between the stages, ask yourself..

Do we know enough about each other ?

Do we like what we have learned ?

Do we communicate well ?

Do we like spending time together ?

One last thing

If you do plan to marry someone be sure to take your time planning your future more than your wedding. Take your time to get to know your friends or partner and don't rush anything, and have fun.